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Paradoxical

I was sitting inaudibly outside that night. Though I can hear them singing their batch song with the glass windows closed, I remained still. I stayed for hours and for the first hour, I didn't exactly know what I was doing. Minutes later, a friend passed and said, "Huwag kang tumingin diyan. Masakit 'yan dito o," [Don't look there. It hurts here.] subsequently pointing her finger to her chest. I instantaneously knew what she was trying to denote. So I asked myself, "Does it really hurt?" I waited for answers so I stayed calm from where I was situated.

A lot of people knew that I wouldn't be capped and pinned this year and some felt sad about it. I felt sad too, but not too the extent that I cried over it. Someone got curious if I cried or not on the day when I knew that my grade in my major subject didn't reach the cut-off and I self-assuredly answered no. It was like a big slap on my face but maybe I was just numb about it that's why I didn't even shed a tear. However, that night was totally different and to tell everyone honestly, I got jealous seeing them walking down the aisle. My realizations were weird and I've gotten crazy. It's as if I wanted to cry it out loud. Looking at them that night was like holding my breath forever. Of course, no one could but still I was hurting. Yes, I was hurt. I wanted to put the bullet on my head but I just can't. Something tells me not to do it. Though I was secretively sad, I was glad too because at least I know, I'm not that numb yet. Not only that, I'm glad as well for what my batch mates have attained.

For whatever reason God has, I hope it's worth the wait. I know it's worth the wait. Nevertheless, I'd like to congratulate all of my "supposed-to-be" batch mates.


The days are over wasting our dreams
The years have passed that we feel we've become weak
We thought it's over, that our future will die
But now is the time that we will prove that we'll shine
Here we are


We're gonna sour up high
Reach for the stars so bright up in the sky
Hold our dreams and never let them fall from our hands
Sauveur de Bien, preserving the good we stand.


Trials, hardship that we always meet
We may lose hope until we cannot breathe
We may stumble and feel we cannot rise
But still we're striving so that we will survive
Here we are


We are no longer birds that hide on the tree
We are no longer children who need to be fed
We must step up high
And reach the sky
And will prove that we'll shine



Your dreams are in your hands so never let it slip away. Soar up high but still keep your feet on the ground. May God bless all of you on your way to success. Congratulations Sauveur de Bien!.. and prove you'll shine!

16 comments:

e'an said...

drama seatm8 wui. you're not that far behind, kaya natin to! haha

jes said...

ulul! haha! i know, drama. :))

Rammyboi said...

hmmm.. i didn't know that. well, you're right! this isn't the end. everything has a purpose and I know He has a good plan for you. just stay being optimistic. it helps! life is unfair but you could find ways to live it fairly. :D

dream on. live life. soar high! :D

Tanchi said...

why? you failed jes?! kelan lang?
sorry.

kaya yan..kaw pa:D miss gensan gud db? tska TIGUWANG? hehe..cheer up

sheng said...

It's ok jes, we always have our ups and downs.

Rico said...

Sometimes, terrible things happen in preparation for something wonderful. You'll see. Have faith. Believe in your dreams.

jes said...

@ Rammyboi: thanks for those comforting words. (:

@ Tanchi: hindi tlaga un F, hindi lang ako nkaabot sa cut-off, pero i can still consider it as a failure. eh hindi nkaabot sa cut-off eh.

hehe. lamat tan. may pa cheer up ka pang nalalaman. hehe. :D

@ ate sheng: definitely. thanks ate. :D

@ Rico: hindi ako mawawalan ng faith sa Kanya. I know there's something better. :D

onyxx said...

some things never really hit you until the right "moment" comes -- i guess your mind was just waiting for a certain catalyst to trigger the right response. i'm sort of undergoing the same thing right now. i keep blocking a recent unpleasant event, and to a certain extent this works fine. but i guess, eventually, it'll come out. i hope by that time, it will be cathartic experience that will propel me to move on.
i wish you luck though... i'm sure you'll do just fine :)

iceah said...

true my dear never give up your young. I started college at UPLB last 1994 now am in Mindanao with a 3rd course Mass comm that is I've spent my college days enjoying every course I have at least the 2 courses. Anyway am married now and still am not a graduate I'm not telling you to follow me but see it in a different view. maybe may mas best para sayo take time to wait. Maraming gagaraduate ngayon na wlang sure na work ako di pa graduate dami na nagoofer ng work sakin still the Lord wants me to wait. Hay1 sometimes I do get tired of waiting but I don't lose hope c;

mordsith said...

good things will come your way! buti na lang matatag ka. :)

Rea said...

dont wori jes. kanya kanyang oras yan.
you'll still carry on! :D

Samara said...

When you wake up from a nightmare, you don't have to be scared that the dream continues when you sleep some more. You don't even have to wish to sleep again to dream the sweetest dream instead.

Sometimes, you have to open your eyes, rise, and say it's time to create your own dreams - in reality. You don't have to wait for sweet dreams to come in your sleep; you have to make them while awake.

A bad dream while your eyes are wide open poses a challenge to you: fight Jes, because you can. Not like in your sleep where you are powerless and the unconscious mind tries to suppress your potentials; outside of your dreams, you have the power to control your reality.

You know where you are, and you know where you shall be. Fight On! We're always behind. \(^o\)(/o^)/

Lollii-Pii said...

I couldn't agree more, God definitely has better plans for you in the future and every phenomena that occurred in your daily existence here on earth has purposes. I'm impressed on the way you wrote it down. Even though the news was dolorous, you showed us how tough you are in facing the circumstances. You're a real grown-up lady, indeed. God Bless and Please Don't give up..It's not the time, yet..

Daniel said...

huwaa..
mareeh^^
tsk,.


i feel,...


ehem,.


ahmm... can't explain.. huwaaa...


bxta mareh,. i juz hope dat sumday ull also soar up high hooki?!

dapt we'll both shyn hooki?!

ill wait for u^^ hihihi,..


muahz^^labyu^^

_eLLuh.._

Ayel said...

Aw. Well, there's a reason for everything, Jes! Cheer up! :D

Something better is set aside only for you.

Aj'Gagu said...

La.. pwd mka relate?.. i myself bumagsak din. pro ang nkkahiya lang, sa minors pajud q nabagsak. HAHA! imy LoLa. ambut nganu. hihii.